​Boy oh boy!  A friend on FB shared this post and the word flow began.  You have read the post and something completely different was found, here lies the beauty in unique opinions and freedom of speech.  For me, I was catapulted into a memories of a discussion that took place with a very dear friend.  I'm so grateful that this one didn't pass me by so I share things I learn, rather than pretending that it's common sense for everyone.  Some people will love you, some will hate you, some will know you, some will think they know you but have no idea, some will know you well, but refuse to see you the way God sees you.  Some will find ways to use their influence to mistreat you because they don't appreciate you, naturally because they still haven't learned how to appreciate themselves.  It's a fact that some will envy you, be jealous of you, be mean to you, talk behind your back, and even in front of your face in some cases; in a way that insinuates an assumption that you have no idea of the vengeful act.  Even worse, sometimes people will say things, knowing you understand their intent; but do it anyway, and smile at you when the foolishness is done.  Some people will feel all those things for you and for your entire friendship, you may think everything's great until one moment changes everything.  For those of us that are fortunate, you may have a tiny circle of friends who just get 'life' and therefore value yours, with consistent actions that show and prove.  The behavior patterns associated with people are too common to run an on-going debate about it's validity or lack thereof.  We all encounter each other so, you can either make that a pleasant and loving experience for those around you or insist on allowing your insecurities, inferiorities, attacks, and personal problems to affect the potential for a beautiful interaction.  

I used to speak up about everything, because honestly, I felt some obligation to fight for the rights of people and see the good in everyone.  I used to feel that because I have a 'good heart' and people 'know my heart' then they would be comfortable with being told the truth.  I would battle, argue and even make excuses for the unjust things done to me, while continuing to fight for those who had absolutely no regard for me.  The empowering thing about understanding the source of a dysfunctional mindset is that the root of that thinking can be replaced with a solution that works; instead of the cover ups like drugs, alcohol, food, and other drugs that people use to 'pretend' everything is 'ok' in life.  For me, I have been alright with things not being ok and have absolutely no problem with being vulnerable about it because it constantly freed me from being held captive by it's weight.  At every turn, I found myself fighting for everyone, but when the war was at my door, there was only the echo of crickets to simulate the emptiness of my imagined facade of a full regime.  Unfortunately, because 'hurt people hurt people', that process would leave me exhausted and weathered as I was insistent upon allowing the importance of 'righting wrongs', to be my crusade.  Needless to say, it was a pretty short-lived crusade when I came to realize that the best thing you can do to fight for someone is to offer those who are responsible in making choices, the ability to choose to be helped or decide to help themselves.  In offering to help and pray for any person's ability to receive what you are being assigned to offer is going to help the hurt individual more than you coming in and 'swatting flies'.  We have all experienced some pain and have found ourselves with a choice to sit, dwell in the pain, kick, and scream about the pain.  However, some people decide to muster the strength to allow love to be shown so that we can actually find ourselves stronger and more empowered, on the other side of that pain.  For anyone in need of help, you can either show them how to do it for themselves or step back and allow them to learn how to fight for their own lives, depending on how you live, an extending hand and a 'no thank you' nudge can appear quite differently, which is why honest discernment is an invaluable tool.  Even within the 1st person viewpoint, we can either allow someone to teach us or find ourselves isolated in the journey.  For those who are surrounded by people and feeling alone, it is only when you embrace purpose that you can begin to feel joy.  Surely for me, remaining quiet was the best thing I could have done because when anyone would like my help, believe me, they will find a way to ask.  May the ask invite you into a celebration with a reciprocal interaction.  

Speaking of 'celebrating', the best thing to do for people who don't celebrate you is to lovingly save your voice for people who do.  When you compete against everyone, you always find yourself chasing unhealthy comparison.  It turns out that even if you feel 'excelled' in life, there is always someone better, faster, stronger, etc. but there is NEVER another you!  It matters to compete, you just have to know where to plant your flag in this life; this is especially true for artists.  You have to know that purpose is more important than popularity, fame, recognition, money, power, and even the senseless journey of 'who is best', 'more decorated', 'more skillful', 'higher ranked'.  The beauty in life is that purpose has a strange way of overriding all those things.  It will give you titles you never sought out, allowing you access you didn't request, and exposing you to opportunities many will wait a lifetime to experience.  When you compete against yourself, there is always room to improve because you were made to excel and that initiative produces perseverance to weather the path.  Among true friends, there is no 'in-between' on dedication and the love is so apparent, there isn't even an opportunity to question it; not to mention its loyalty and commitment.  Let's just say, sincerity and humility are hard to miss and greatly welcomed in a world filled with pride, control and greed.  

My closest friends have access to me because they extend the same; not to gossip, bash, or be petty - but to celebrate, inspire, and impart hope.   Some people love you right up until their perception of you, rises from beneath their muddy shoes.  As long as you remain in a position of their perceived mediocrity of you, everything is great!  The fastest way to lose acquaintances is to start accomplishing goals.  Let's not forget those who conveniently judge you based on their own very dysfunctional assumptions.  ResCrew, I have seen it all and it used to bother me to the point of tears because I desired so deeply, for people to value me in the same way I value others.  Honestly, we've all experienced heartache and pain; everyone handles it differently.  Your job is to be the best 'you' - you can be, and edify others as they attempt to do the same.  Your most wise response is to ask yourself every area where you look to people to fulfill any need, however large or small, then attempt to place those needs in the capable hands of the one who created you.  Leave the humanity to the humans.  Honor those who celebrate you by celebrating them in return - it's easy to do when your only competition is 'you'.  When I was 1st awarded for my poetry in 83', began oratorical speaking in 93', and professional public speaking in 96', the biggest lesson I have learned as a person with a story is that no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.  If you want someone to love you for who you are, 1st have to actually be yourself.  If you are afraid to be yourself, just remember that everyone else is already taken.  If you continue to invest your time in messy, draining situations, it will consume you, and pull you into mediocrity.  Let go of the negativity and embrace every positive aspect that awaits your journey through this life.  Don't be afraid to take the steps that really count.  Don't allow the voices of those who can't see you as God sees you to pierce joy from your soul.  In my heart, everyone starts off beautiful until well, their soul shows me something different, then I will respond with what your soul offers, since it's obvious that you haven't learned to live from your soul yet.  Here's to being exactly who your creator intends you to be, a complete, whole, inspired, hopeful, challenged, resilient, accomplished human.  Here's to saying the things you must and quieting the voice you must - it is just a part of life. Happy Random Post on a Tuesday! Cheers & Love Resilience Crew (ResCrew) from Speak Res (Speak Resilience). You are loved. 

As soon as the bulletin reads, "With great sadness, we report the death of_______"; everyone realizes how they feel about the person in transition. There is always that shock and disbelief because you just wish you had the opportunity to say, something meaningful and positive.  I have watched the transition happen enough times to just leave miserable, messy people with prayer and a loving smile. They spent time bad mouthing and resting in resentment. The truth is, nothing you try to give them will ever be enough; they will always find something to dislike. Sadly, some people will make something up if they can't find anything to dislike. They fall all over the casket knowing that they didn't have the right interactions.  Some people will do anything to discredit the virtue of someone they despise, tipping them off as concerning and thoughtful.   Living a reality of broken-heartedness and facades of non-existing joy.  I prefer to smell roses, share them, and celebrate people while they are here, among the living and still breathing. I prefer to be both transparent and allow God to protect me in ways I cannot do for myself.  Usually, people would rather not hear the opinions of others, they think they know, don't find you credible on the subject, or dislike the sound of your voice, all personal problems but, just saying. Then there's the silence soo thick from unspoken differences and awkward disapproval that no one knows how safe it is to just, be. When judgment is thicker than love, awkwardness is a special guest.  The fact is, no matter what you do or how you do it, someone is going to disapprove of you, being you - who cares?  Smile and be an ever better version of yourself for the haterazzi. The truth is, for a long time, I did care; soo much that I sought my own value, through the eyes of people who could really care less.  So not only did I NOT see my value, I entrusted my value to people who didn't see my value - double wammy!  It continues to be a meaningful journey, embracing all that is me. Recently, I made a public declaration for my friends who have genuinely been my friends over the years. When I grow through something in life, Im always reminded of those who cry, pray, and rejoice with me - they are rare breeds.  As an Artist, there are parts of me that always will care, but let me explain the difference.  The choreographer in me wants to constantly improve, the singer in me wants to elevate, the actor in me hopes to tell stories that matter,  the writer in me hopes to paint visions that positively impacts lives, and so on.  At the end of the day, I do it to give back the gifts I was somehow entrusted to carry.  I feel the weight of success on my commitment to excellence. Still yes, I hope that someone, somewhere will think to themselves, "She did good".  Lately there are constant reminders of the monumental event that invited me to stop giving hell, so much attention. The event that rocked my world and left me to stand on the only thing that never moves, the love of Jesus. So now I wait for His love to reward me, His word to edify me, His presence to congratulate me and His faithfulness to sustain me. I wonder for the rest in my soul, of the daily rendevous with fashion. Someone can tell me their opinion of me, although most will just tell each other; but when that happens, I can hear the differences and still live my life the way I am purposed to live.  At the end of the day, I would ask God to show me who my real friends are and He shows me time and time again, ONLY someone knitted to Him, can be trusted with His most precious gifts.  It is in those artistic, lonely, sad, hurt, depressive, joyous, inspiring, life-giving moments that the desire for feedback must rest in the bossom of the one who created me to be who I am, formed in my Mother's womb, with hairs all numbered and well thought out.   In any area of life where the honor of friendship goes from constructive to back-biting and critical, the honor has been lost.  Where are the Christ-like people who actually will love you THROUGH your mess? Where are the people who are emotionally mature enough to live their own life WHILE edifying you in yours? Isn't that why we are all here? Oh but maybe we prefer certain people to edify us over others? Where are the people who are genuinely good? Do they leave at the cusp of being needed most? Or do they leave when they believe your purpose has been fulfilled in their life? Sure, lots of people are 'willing' and there are tons of intrinsically great people in the world, but when the going gets tough, how many run for the hills? Thankfully, we can all find comfort in a Savior who will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, or whatever you believe helps you stand; live your life.  One reality that shows up over and over in life is that, it's impossible to love someone in their flaws if you are unable to love yourself as a flawed human. Since we are all flawed human's, there will always be a shady look and a envious undertone, a nasty response and a rejected innuendo from peopke who aren't happy with themselves.  Really and truly, some people will only be left to be loved by the one who created them, and since I believe that the one who created me is pretty amazing; that is alright with me!  For every person on the struggle bus of meaningful relationships, it may be helpful to go back to genuine care, authentic consideration, and active love of yourself, as God sees you, not for vain glory.  Then give loving others a try; with a fresh perspective and an open heart.  Despite all the ways you disagree, what God has for you is for you and still, we are all equal humans in the eyes of the one who created us. I'd rather be out of the tornado that is forming, but choosing to love requires an automatic credit in the 'high road' column.  Friend or Foe? Well it depends on how you look at it - for me, I would rather maintain friendships with people God sends, He authorizes, in every season, and whoever He sends, come hell or high water, is made to last. If it doesn't last, like it or not, somehow the connection with the creator is lost.  That is a strong statement to make but thankfully, I would rather allow freedom of speech to really get a workout today.  May you be surrounded by people who hear the echoes of your soul, tell you the truth with grace/or their version of it, fellowship with you in the good and the in the bads of life, and help you unpack the pain so that the best, most wonderful parts of you, may be revealed. Be well. Be Resilient.
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