#SpeakRes
As soon as the bulletin reads, "With great sadness, we report the death of_______"; everyone realizes how they feel about the person in transition. There is always that shock and disbelief because you just wish you had the opportunity to say, something meaningful and positive. I have watched the transition happen enough times to just leave miserable, messy people with prayer and a loving smile. They spent time bad mouthing and resting in resentment. The truth is, nothing you try to give them will ever be enough; they will always find something to dislike. Sadly, some people will make something up if they can't find anything to dislike. They fall all over the casket knowing that they didn't have the right interactions. Some people will do anything to discredit the virtue of someone they despise, tipping them off as concerning and thoughtful. Living a reality of broken-heartedness and facades of non-existing joy. I prefer to smell roses, share them, and celebrate people while they are here, among the living and still breathing. I prefer to be both transparent and allow God to protect me in ways I cannot do for myself. Usually, people would rather not hear the opinions of others, they think they know, don't find you credible on the subject, or dislike the sound of your voice, all personal problems but, just saying. Then there's the silence soo thick from unspoken differences and awkward disapproval that no one knows how safe it is to just, be. When judgment is thicker than love, awkwardness is a special guest. The fact is, no matter what you do or how you do it, someone is going to disapprove of you, being you - who cares? Smile and be an ever better version of yourself for the haterazzi. The truth is, for a long time, I did care; soo much that I sought my own value, through the eyes of people who could really care less. So not only did I NOT see my value, I entrusted my value to people who didn't see my value - double wammy! It continues to be a meaningful journey, embracing all that is me. Recently, I made a public declaration for my friends who have genuinely been my friends over the years. When I grow through something in life, Im always reminded of those who cry, pray, and rejoice with me - they are rare breeds. As an Artist, there are parts of me that always will care, but let me explain the difference. The choreographer in me wants to constantly improve, the singer in me wants to elevate, the actor in me hopes to tell stories that matter, the writer in me hopes to paint visions that positively impacts lives, and so on. At the end of the day, I do it to give back the gifts I was somehow entrusted to carry. I feel the weight of success on my commitment to excellence. Still yes, I hope that someone, somewhere will think to themselves, "She did good". Lately there are constant reminders of the monumental event that invited me to stop giving hell, so much attention. The event that rocked my world and left me to stand on the only thing that never moves, the love of Jesus. So now I wait for His love to reward me, His word to edify me, His presence to congratulate me and His faithfulness to sustain me. I wonder for the rest in my soul, of the daily rendevous with fashion. Someone can tell me their opinion of me, although most will just tell each other; but when that happens, I can hear the differences and still live my life the way I am purposed to live. At the end of the day, I would ask God to show me who my real friends are and He shows me time and time again, ONLY someone knitted to Him, can be trusted with His most precious gifts. It is in those artistic, lonely, sad, hurt, depressive, joyous, inspiring, life-giving moments that the desire for feedback must rest in the bossom of the one who created me to be who I am, formed in my Mother's womb, with hairs all numbered and well thought out. In any area of life where the honor of friendship goes from constructive to back-biting and critical, the honor has been lost. Where are the Christ-like people who actually will love you THROUGH your mess? Where are the people who are emotionally mature enough to live their own life WHILE edifying you in yours? Isn't that why we are all here? Oh but maybe we prefer certain people to edify us over others? Where are the people who are genuinely good? Do they leave at the cusp of being needed most? Or do they leave when they believe your purpose has been fulfilled in their life? Sure, lots of people are 'willing' and there are tons of intrinsically great people in the world, but when the going gets tough, how many run for the hills? Thankfully, we can all find comfort in a Savior who will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, or whatever you believe helps you stand; live your life. One reality that shows up over and over in life is that, it's impossible to love someone in their flaws if you are unable to love yourself as a flawed human. Since we are all flawed human's, there will always be a shady look and a envious undertone, a nasty response and a rejected innuendo from peopke who aren't happy with themselves. Really and truly, some people will only be left to be loved by the one who created them, and since I believe that the one who created me is pretty amazing; that is alright with me! For every person on the struggle bus of meaningful relationships, it may be helpful to go back to genuine care, authentic consideration, and active love of yourself, as God sees you, not for vain glory. Then give loving others a try; with a fresh perspective and an open heart. Despite all the ways you disagree, what God has for you is for you and still, we are all equal humans in the eyes of the one who created us. I'd rather be out of the tornado that is forming, but choosing to love requires an automatic credit in the 'high road' column. Friend or Foe? Well it depends on how you look at it - for me, I would rather maintain friendships with people God sends, He authorizes, in every season, and whoever He sends, come hell or high water, is made to last. If it doesn't last, like it or not, somehow the connection with the creator is lost. That is a strong statement to make but thankfully, I would rather allow freedom of speech to really get a workout today. May you be surrounded by people who hear the echoes of your soul, tell you the truth with grace/or their version of it, fellowship with you in the good and the in the bads of life, and help you unpack the pain so that the best, most wonderful parts of you, may be revealed. Be well. Be Resilient.
#SpeakRes
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If you work on being in purpose, you tend to do things in a way which honors your reason for existing. This is just my theory and I thank you in advance for humoring me with a few moments of attention.
Lets dive in: If you work in selfishness (the me, myself, & I syndrome), you tend to do things that help no one but yourself...feeding your own desire (whether known or unknown) to inflate pride, take credit for all the work, give someone all the credit for your demise, and rest in the random, extensive hand of an intertwined plan, bound in bondage. We can do things by ourselves and for ourselves and still operate in purpose but when you find yourself in one downward spiral after another, its time to dig deeper. Having to keep making the same apology? Dig deeper. Finding yourself in the same broken cycles of redemption? Dig deeper. Always sad, gloom and doomed? Dig deeper. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail because there is always something working on your demise, whether 'us' optimist will ever offer leaverage to that reality or not. We are all like sitting ducks for that which devours, when there is no plan. Every choice matters, whether people see them or not therefore, why not plan to be better, then work your plan? I mean, if you think about it, everyone has a need right? What does it look like when we place our needs above purpose? I would say, bondage. We find ourselves heartbroken when we need a spouse more than we need God's purpose for His chosen spouse for us. We find ourselves feeling failed, destitute and unworthy when we don't seek purpose for healthy boundaries and logical ways to interact with pain. Hurting people hurt people so if you are not finding healthy ways to unload your pain. . .the overflow is designed to inevitably fall on someone else. We find ourselves in a revolving door of sexual relationships when the girlfriend/boyfriend thing has no context. We find ourselves confused when we do not seek God concerning His will for His wiring of us. For some people who do not believe in God, maybe there is some windblowing affect or common law perspective in which to reach the goal of purpose and if you have found it I say, great! My choice is to prefer being led by the one who created life and so far, it has offered results beyond all that I can ask for or think; so I just roll with that. Every area of life requires a plan - wives, mothers, husbands, fathers, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, friends, managers, etc. It doesn't even matter if you have never been in the role, if you plan to be there, I would encourage a plan for the process to see a worthwhile outcome, while you're there. If the addition of something or some role in life catches you by surprise, its time to plan the outcome of each day going forward, in order to reach your goals for your life, according to purpose. Just because you plan doesn't mean things won't go wrong, it just means that when you have a plan to win, the likelihood of it actually happening, is greater! Purpose or Bondage? For me - in joy, happiness or even in agonizing, heart-wrenching pain, when there is barely breathe left inside of me, no thirst for human consolidation; I will choose purpose. Will you? I hope so because life is too short to limbo through, waiting for success, twiddling thumbs on luck. Having faith with no action is just a glorified attempt in babysitting an unproductive thought. May your day be filled with plans that come from the one who created you, the only one who knows enough of your purpose to reveal it to you. May you find peace in working your faith and positively impacting those within your reach. You are overwhelmingly loved, prayed for, and sought after by someone. . .I promise. #SpeakRes Yep, there is still more work to do. Contrary to unsuccessful images, video footage, and poorly written articles paraded around as examples of real life; racists are not people who exist in the middle of the earth on a deserted island. There are unfortunately people in every city, career path, and demographic who speak without knowledge, taunting negative and degrading statements about people of color. . . about people who look like me. There are lots of people who think they are not racist if they like Oprah, Will Smith, Beyonce, and other prestigious celebrities of color. Ironically, though, those same individuals who will invest in and in some cases idolize celebrities, feel hatred toward a neighbor, coworker, or random person who just happens to be a person of color. It's hard not to take it personally if you actually care about your identity, and you should, racism bothers you; even if it's on a small level. No person is perfect. When you spend a lifetime trying to figure out who you are because your history is stolen, you live a life trying to create an identity and over and over again, as sure as you build, it's stolen. Everyone wants what you have but no one wants you? Just let that marinate for a second.
I used to look at those Ancestry.com commercials with a glossy-eyed mesmerizing expression; fantasizing, hoping, and dreaming of knowing where my bloodline began. All the while afraid to see the 'negro slave registry' which my ancestors would come to a screeching halt, I actually had nightmares about this subject. I envied those celebrities who had a way of knowing who they 'really' are because being connected to legacy, however minimal, connects you to a feeling of purpose and strengthens identity, pride, and confidence. The unspoken cultural rape and emasculating experience of living a life as a Black American is a journey 'best fit for a King' I always say. That is why the strength of culture is rich, even in the mediocre circumstances, situations beyond our reach to pursue equal votes, rights, laws, housing, education, etc. have conveniently for some, found us engulfed. The ongoing presentation of Black Americans who run to get away from their own kind, there are those Blacks who have somehow positioned themselves 'above' other Blacks, those who have caught wind of the drug/gang trade and couldn't let go, those really unfortunate people portrayed in the spotlight as all of Black America, and the random, skewed number of Black Americans with something intelligent to say, do and be can be found from every point that the world is round. The fact remains, it is the melanin that finds us all in the very same life pot of social perception and acceptance in the closed and open doors of 2016. Our African, Haitian, and other International brothers and sisters are fortunate to travel here, knowing their identity and being proud of it because although they may travel under less than ideal circumstances, it was certainly not aboard the 'Jesus of Lubeck'. It is hard to know the history and not feel the pierce of injustice; much in the way, I would describe a giant porcupine over the hearts of mankind, inescapable. There is a heavy tradition of legacy built into every area, from the way International Blacks were raised, to the way they pursue greatness as adults when raised in your homeland, this is expected. Several African friends, who now live in America, with whom I have been fortunate to get to know and openly converse have taught me many things. One thing I find quite obvious is that many Africans see the true benefit of being an American through eyes which Black Americans may not mutually grasp; the difference of upbringing in tradition and culture could dictate and greatly influence that perspective. There are certain entitlements which every person of pride, raised in their own cultural habitat, have innately present - it's a sort of pride that it unmissable. Even as Indian Americans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, etc.have endured great challenges, there is also great pride - it's almost like watching the heart of a champion unfolding before your eyes. International Brothers and Sisters may experience racism differently but I don't know because I was born here, in the 'land of the free, the home of the brave', as was my Mother, Grandmother, and Great Grandmother. It's strange to hear the term African-American being used to describe Blacks in America because when generations of people are born here, it is hard to simply attach a label to the unknown, for convenience purposes. With that being said, it is difficult to attach a definition to any identity without revealing justification in doing so and, even further degrading as the journey continues. The step-child of America is what that term feels like, the orphan, the one no one wanted; yet somehow the very presence of Black Americans in American society has, is, and will continue to sustain the walls of these United States of America. With all the open and quiet racism against people of color, it is pretty hard for some to locate forgiveness, especially as the behavior continues, sometimes right before your eyes. The only place where I know forgiveness can exist is within a love that cannot be explained, a love that has forgiven me - that same love in which I hide every person who has lost their way, in loving others in a healthy way. I must hide the pain in the creator of all humanity, if not, I run the chance of losing my hope in it, my love for it, and my faithfulness to see it restored. It is pretty hard to stop racism if everyone thinks it only happens in a different place from where they live, work, or socialize. It's also hard to stop racism when there is an angry Black person around every corner, however justified, ready to rip the world to shreds for the pain unheard. It will not create the solutions we need, as a society to truly heal this broken state of mind. It's pretty hard to stop racism if collective groups of people continue not to change their perspective, both Black, and White. In many cases, Black Americans are asked to just 'get over slavery', well it is pretty hard to get over something that happened to our ancestors hundreds of years ago, if we are forced to relive the retributive, genocidal, economical, educational. . . . systematic mindset, beliefs, and incongruent justice platforms that leave us at a constant disadvantage in the society our blood, sweat, and tears helped to build. Yeah, we all have the power to change, improve and empower ourselves and with a fair platform, the change would happen at a much faster pace. . . I will say a familiar phrase to help the focus of this sentence fall in place - AllWhiteOscars 2016. It has been said many times that two rights don't make a wrong so I just believe that although it is hard to stop racism, it's not impossible. I love diversity, celebrating it in how I live, worship, and raise my children, with my friends, co-workers, family, and friends. That is just a few reasons why this post I saw on facebook, is so disturbing. If it hurts me, it should hurt everyone - if you really care about humanity, it will hurt you enough to change your perspective. I post many pictures on facebook and get hundreds of 'likes' but this post will only be 'liked', 'shared' or discussed by those who actually want to see the change we need to see in the world. Otherwise, it is just a too long post, spoken by some Black lady with too much to say about something she can't control; you know, we can 'excuse away' anything we really don't want to address. Believe me, I have learned to accept the things I cannot change but racism is not one of them. I pray for the future of our society and I believe that things can be much better. The societal brokenness goes both ways but; change has to start somewhere! The back and forth, throwing verbal/written jabs will never fix it; it just makes you feel better for the moment but the scars in the soul remain. Those scars get passed on to the tiny people which the adults in our society have been chosen to lead, children. I just can't stop praying for our lost, broken world, and those of us who are forced to endure the very thing which keeps racism at full throttle - ignorance. I always like to suggest a solution but on this topic, I feel too many at once. I originally thought that having a cultural sensitivity course, instituted with as much requirement as, obtaining health care has been in the past 10 years. Then I thought it would be great if we can have town hall meetings all across the country but I am not quite sure of who will lead those meetings and justifying one mindset over the other is challenging for people who struggle with the truth. That would likely be the largest 'Go Meeting' or 'YouTube Live' meetup in the world. But then, there are too many people still homeless in our country, still people without access to computers. . . still, as we bling, floss, and stunt for 30 seconds of fame. The backlash associated with change is great. The price families have to pay when they take a step in the direction of truth, requires the mobilization of more people of influence, than a tiny voice on a random blog site somewhere in the world. Not to mention the extra-terrestrial mindset of the country's extremist who believe in the one way or another thinking. Let's also not forget those whose sanity won't hold on long enough to embrace a complete thought, let alone maintain a sense of logic within one. So there goes the 'no man left behind' theory on annihilating racism. Here is where I landed on a solution: It takes more sacrifice than many of us, are willing to give up, and that is the biggest problem I can see. Or maybe we sacrifice but if there is a payout for our family, it's worth more than the moral compass. The fact is, we would just have to be willing to go the distance and not settle for bread crumbs to miss the feast of champions. We have a responsibility to be the best people we can be, as often as possible to show people we can reach, that goodness is possible. We have, to be honest, speak the truth of our lives, and the love for humanity through it. We have to hold accountable the wrongs in our society for the benefit of not allowing our good experiences to be drowned out in negativity. When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. participated in and helped to launch the Civil Rights Movement, he was not alone. Every person who worked with him knew that at some point, they may pay a price, with their lives and their families knew that, but still - they moved forward, for the greater good. As selfishness runs rampant in our society how will we ever truly see the victory in human rights which we so desperately, like tantrums in aisle 9, are seeking after? I am reminded of the story told by motivational speaker, mentor and amazing human, Les Brown. It is the story of a man and his dog - and is told this way: "I was walking down the street and happened to see a man sitting on his porch. Next to the man was his dog, who was whimpering. I asked the man "What's wrong with your dog" The man said, "He's laying on a nail". I asked, "Laying on a nail?, Well why doesn't he get up?" The man then replied, "It's not hurting bad enough." This story is used in tons of places and I have applied it to almost every area of my storms in life. I can honestly say that the nail of racism which we continue to 'lay on' does hurt, but when a person doesn't know how to heal. . . the behavior will continue. How badly does racism hurt? Do we have to wait for another disaster to see the true value in ALL humanity? Maybe if we can see the ways in which both Blacks and Whites have systematically responded to this illness, we will become less stifled by the pain and more driven by the devastating need for healing. If you are reading this, just know - I write because I care and not with the intent to hurt or disrespect anyone. It's just that, I am just ready for racism to be over. . . ready to see the love and not just hear it discussed. I'm tired of seeing the racial profiling, social media bullying, political innuendos of poor social mindset to lead this country with objectivity and grace. I'm ready to experience the healing in which our collective society is unmistakably thirsting after. Do you have a solution? Wanna share it? Cool. Don't? Still cool. Imma just be 'me' then. That is all. Carry On. Speak Resilience This statement could not be more true. I have always enjoyed transparency because the more 'real' you are about life, the more opportunity you have to just grow; hopefully helping those around you, do the same. You will never be able to change someone's perception of you, especially with people who barely know you, hardly talk to you, or feel compelled to judge you because of a post on social media - that is just modern day, 'life'. The fact remains that there is a such thing as using discretion as you see fit and executing the proper amount of 'emotional intelligence', relevant to every relational interaction in life. Healthy confession and execution of long-lasting relationships just requires that you care about people, be vulnerable with people, be willing to admit faults by confronting imperfection with a tangible game plan of sustainable growth. I feel sorry for people who secretly phoney kick-it and live in captivity of their own lies of candy land; too much candy can ruin your teeth. There are too many people who need to fix their mess without authenticity and transparency and in the end, it only leads to a deeper level of captivity for your soul. When you are honest about your mess, it leaves room for it to be repaired once and for all - instead of having to revisit the same mess in different ways. The funny thing is, usually everyone can see your mess but you, it's almost as though we are all in display windows of our lives and only the spectators can see the full picture. That is why it helps to be surrounded by people who really love you and are not afraid to not only tell you where you've gone wrong, but will lovingly show you how to make it right. During the journey of entering fame and recognition, there are lots of people who will be your 'friend', give you a 'poke' and say those sweet three words to make you feel mushy inside. Very few people know your journey well enough to form a concise, thorough opinion, filled with grace, humility and transparency.
I will begin with this quote, "“Ignorance is the single greatest tool of oppression and …. the greatest despondency, is the greatest ignorance of one’s self… birds born in a cage think flying is an illness; it’s hard to free fools from the chains they revere.” Like Muhammad Ali, I had always wondered too . . . then I learned the truth. Everyone has a different version of it but I have always looked at the images all around me growing up and questioned them, I still do. Everyone and everything can't be one way, can it? Why is this? Why is that? I always knew that someone or something was controlling what I was perceiving through television, radio and other forms of advertisement; I just wanted to know why most of the influences seemed negative, when referencing people of color? The important thing to know is that there's a difference between knowing the truth, learning the truth and embracing the truth without degrading or ostracizing others. The hard thing about watching, even formerly oppressed people learn their truth, is that you have to be able to see them justified, redeemed and loved within that journey. Naturally, we are a victimized society and around every corner is someone who was raped, abused, drug infested and bipolar, gang tripped and back-stabbed, abandoned and cheated. Let’s be real though, every sin is equal but every act of abuse is relative. For some people who are abused, they go into a shell, some become promiscuous, some have trust issues and some spaz out and start kicking some butt! The truth is, some pretty bad stuff happened a long time ago, its called slavery. Along with slavery came a complete alteration in the beliefs, understanding and knowledge of a culture. It baffles most of our tribal sisters and brothers who travel from Africa, some of which have no awareness of the ancestors who played a critical role in the transference of people in those times. That process of degrading, defaming and attempting to create genocide on a whole ethnic group of people while generating forms of mental enslavement has surrounded nearly every moment since then. The interesting thing is, those who are glorified in the media and in the favoring aspect of media perspective often don't realize that they too have been enslaved into a believed entitlement. There are some of us who 'rise' beyond exile, negative influence and self-degradation, but we must never forget that for many of us, the shackles are on so tight, some people don't even realize they are indeed still enslaved. It is often stated that religion, race and politics are hard topics to address and naturally, everyone has the right to agree to disagree. I can love a person without loving what they do and the same is true in loving a person without doing what they do. Walking in truth requires a lot of research, a desire to understand culture, a thirst for knowledge and a lot of action toward embracing broken generations, especially those who think everything is 'just fine'. Within my specific spiritual journey, I can help but embrace that God places me in certain environments for a reason and this current environment teaches me a very sobering perspective of 'loving those who hate'. In 2014, I have many friends from around the world within many different cultures and I love every last one of you because you have shown me the definition of love in your interaction with me - denying yourself for the benefit of me - the way Christ loves us. People are innately strong, having endured much trial. Both oppressors and suppressed within many aspects of the fabric our economic, psychological and systematic obscure acceptance of each other has been dipped in envy, pain and deceit before wrapping us in iniquity. I can't think of anyone who chooses to be a victim and yet every person in this country within a bloodline of slaves, connected to slaves, former slave owners, bashers and oppressors of communities of people, have experienced some form of mental victimization, improper socialization, segregation and discrimination. I believe that there are too many people playing church and not enough people physically being the church within our society. There are too many different versions of God and not enough truth in who God actually is. I have attended churches that are considered 'Black' and I have attended churches which are considered 'White' and what I know for sure is that both of them are worshiping the same God but no one seems to know that! The charades, antics and performances associated with some churches looks more like a mockery of God, than praise. I have seen a prophet with my own eyes, walk into a church and tell every person's business, leaving each person amazed and immediately respondent in worship and adoration for some things, only God could know. I have seen people with ailments healed and a few were people I personally watched over years of hurt, be healed. I have seen with my own two eyes, spirits cast out and deliverance take place, so I know that it’s real. The unfortunate aspect of the spirit world is that it doesn't offer much for the reality of the human world, to the human world because very few actually believe it to be true in the 1st place. We are a 'see it' 'prove it' and 'do it' culture and unfortunately it cripples our understanding of how spiritually connected we all are. If we could all just see that we were created to be connected and we were created to love our differences as well as our similarities. So many Black people have been putting the liquid crack (perm) in their hair so long it is scary. You will start an all-out war if you dare say that the mental enslavement in straight hair being beautiful has impacted that desire. What's even more interesting is that when people see a Black person who actually wears the hair they were born with, it is comical and the head shakes, the push for change and the suggestions of 'how you should wear your hair' comes from everywhere (nearly 20 years ago when I 1st went natural). When people see images of beauty that look like them, when there are resources that allow people to embrace who they are, then there is no desire to look like others, instead the journey begins of the unique differences we must learn to embrace. I posted this point of view, not because I want to stir up trouble but instead, stir up a desire to seek more of the truth in how to live in truth. The acceptance of who you are, the naps, the curls, the tone, the pigment, the alignment of your presence to the creator of all people. The connection in us all to be riveting and astoundingly awesome has embedded a purpose stemming beyond ourselves and yet begins with each and every one of us. Where you can, evoke change. Where you live, build community. Where you love, be gracious and kind. Where you work, be aggressive toward your best foot forward and be a light within the environment. Be the example on which love is reflected. . .maybe then, beneficial change can be foreseen and inevitably obtained.
Proverbs 31:10 - A wife of noble character who can find? Proverbs 31:10 - A wife of noble character who can find?According to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/noble, NOBLE is defined as-adjective 1.distinguished by rank or title. 2.pertaining to persons so distinguished. 3.of, belonging to, or constituting a hereditary class that has special social or political status in a country or state; of or pertaining to the aristocracy. 4.of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence; 5.admirable in dignity of conception, manner of expression,execution, or composition: a noble poem. 6.very impressive or imposing in appearance; stately;magnificent: a noble monument. 7.of an admirably high quality; notably superior; excellent.8.famous; illustrious; renowned Women have a delicate, sweet surrender in the way we stretch our arms toward heaven for God's perfect will in our lives like a toddler reaching for those initial steps toward a loving parent. We must stretch our thoughts and our minds toward what makes us admirably high quality according to standards which God lays out for us through His word. These are the things that sets us apart as renowned, excellent and illustrious - we can only be these things when we exist in Christ. When I think about the importance of dignity within conception I think of my children. My sons are 5 and 6 years old. They are certainly my greatest gift and definitely were admired from the moment they were created in my womb, they are forever honorable to me and I admire their presence. What makes them amazing to me is not that they did anything special other than just being born. As a result, I am reminded of one very clear reality; every woman should have a goal to be born into who we are in God in a submissive sense beyond the grace of just being born, beyond the place of just being cute and getting by in life. A woman must have a standard that makes her a lady and that standard is built on nobility in the things of God. She need not have the smallest waste, roundest hips or be thin as nails. She must only be born again into the joy, peace and love of God in order for her distinguishing characteristics to reveal a hereditary standard of excellence. Quite naturally, being born into God takes hard work. It takes a form of submittance that many of us take for granted because we are relying on being the independent women and doing things for ourselves. It is important that we are empowered and also that we are required to be submitted to God so that He can teach us how to exist in Him and trust Him for all that we need to become. God is the one who provides our needs, we have to honor God by appreciating His presence, His love and His role in our lives. Part of stepping into our role as noble women is to first accept that God is the one who we are ultimately impressing, not a man, a woman or any other individual. Our first commitment is to Him and Him ALONE. So when we wake up each morning, let's make an effort to seek out God in ourselves. Talk to God each morning and even before bed at night. Let's keep ourselves tidy, well-groomed and neat, so that God may be pleased with the fragrance of our love for ourselves and in-turn, our love for Him. Throw away the moo moo dresses and the unfortunate two sizes too, small outfits where many of us find comfort. It is true that when you know better, you should do better. I am not insisting that everyone dress their best as much as I am saying be your personal best and if your best does not include a moo dress, throw it away. I appreciate the wisdom of my elders much more today because I understand the path that must be set for me to be here to be here at this moment, and it is certainly not an easy path to take. Something my late Grandma Irma used to say is that "there was a time when women wore a slip, stockings, a full dress and some nice shoes just to go up the road to the local market". There was a time when women truly carried dignity in the attitude of their outward personality and not in the desire to please people. In addition to having integrity and dignity in the upkeep of ourselves, there is also an identical standard in how we interact with those around us. I have not grown fond of hearing the 'female dog' term as one which a few women use to refer to each other. It is an unfortunate occurrence, whether men or women use the term or not. When God created heaven and earth, day and night, the animals and every living creature, He made Adam(man) & Eve(woman) ruler over ALL living things. Therefore, why have we found a way to degrade ourselves to the standard of an animal, our subordinate species? Whatever reason you have painstakingly gathered in your thoughts; consider this, In Deuteronomy 32:9 it is written, "For the Lord's portion is his people; Jacob is the lot of his inheritance. (10) He found him in a desert land, and the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye." The theory of being the apple of God's eye is not a mild one, it's a standard in which to cling toward God's view of His people. If God views you as far above rubies and the apple of His eye, and we allow ourselves to be referred to as less than that, we have already stepped away of the definition God has already used to define who we are designed to be. Another aspect that I would be amiss not to address is the poise of nobility in how we address men. There is a standard in how an unmarried woman should address an unmarried man. The standard is one of humility, self-identity and posture. You are a woman of excellence, so behave that way! Let's not throw ourselves into the faces of men simply because they exist in our space. Allow a man to seek after you which is the way a courtship is intended. A woman should allow a man to ask her to date him. I know about the whole modern initiative of many women who find their own man and then even ask their own man to marry them however, roles are in place for a reason. Going against the natural roles is like playing russian roulette with your future, you just never know what you are going to get! We have to also acknowledge the perception of many women who say, "what if he never asks"? If he never asks and you go and ask him, he may be forever left with the impression that you are going to take the lead within the entire relationship. That you may be comfortable taking care of him instead of the natural order of courtship. When we disturb roles, we disturb order and that causes dysfunction, thus the first fall at the Garden of Eden. I would just suggest allowing a man to be a man and just like his interest in sports, his career, and his car, he will pursue an interest in you if it is a genuine interest. Just because he is unmarried and you are unmarried does not allow a rite of passage for sex. Too many christian women are allowing ourselves to fall into a marriage before marriage posture is in place (usually one has a posture of marriage after they have taken vows) and finding ourselves at the prey of those of whom we have prematurely shared our treasures. Sex is a very sacred experience designed for covenant extended relationship. Women are made to receive and Men are made to give, our bodies are naturally designed that way. Therefore, if you allow a man to give to you his manhood and then he takes it away to another house, a different residence where he lives, and keep coming back to you, he has no justifiable reason to have a covenant with you. If you are made to receive, your security, your emotions and your identity within the relationship will more frequently be attached to whether he is really faithful, really loves me, and am I really the one. With a covenant, these questions have answers and even in a mistake there is room for healing through repentance, counseling, etc. Something my Mom still says is, "why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free". The statement is just as true today as it has always been. We have to stop giving away our treasure expecting for a man to value what we bring to the table when we are not setting a standard for God's priceless possessions - which is you. If we think that casual sex does not affect us we have been lying to ourselves so long, we don't recognize it. Speaking of which, it is far more difficult to see the signs and red flags of an unhealthy relationship while the endorphins, hormones etc. associated with sex are raging. It is like adding a little more paint to the Mona Lisa, it is just fine the way it is designed to be. Don't try to add more to the courtship process than what belongs which is a set of pleasant, loving, nurturing experiences - good fun with a man who is willing to show you why you should pick him to spend your life with and cares enough about you to be better and help you to do the same. Your job is to be your best, be encouraging, be fun, be Christ driven and most importantly, be prayerful but be who God created you to be. We must to stay glued to God in order to know if the person who is there is the person God sent. Let discernment be your guide, it is POWERFUL. Noble Character is not just in our appearance and in the words we speak, but in our actions as well. There is also a standard in how an unmarried woman should address a married or unavailable man. Let me just be clear, a man who is married or exclusively dating someone is unavailable. Here is why, if a man is married it means that he has taken a public covenant to share his bed, his life and his name with another woman. It is not for you to decide if he is about to get a divorce or if the spouse treats him badly or any of the other interesting stories he tells you about her. Entertaining a married man leaves opportunity for sin, heartache, heartbreak and unnecessary pain that God did not intend for you to experience. If a man really serious about a serious relationship, he will wait until he is divorced before approaching you in the first place. If a man is exclusively dating someone for any extended period of time, its different for everyone but I would say that there has been some form of emotional investment made and and vice versa. Why women allow ourselves to be involved in competing for the affection of a man when God has a man already set aside, is once again setting ourselves up for hurt. If a man is not mature enough to tell you he is seeing someone, integrity is already a red flag. A woman of character and excellence has to have standards. Our interaction with a married man should be minimal at best and limited to small talk and cordially respectful conversation. Even our working relationships should be focused toward Godly conversation and adoration for the male co-worker as one with his significant other, this is what I mean by cordially respectful. Respecting our fellow sisters is a responsibility that we each have as women of excellence. Respect never has anything to do with anyone accept ourselves. Within ministry, I come in contact with men often, many of which are married, and already in relationships. When and if I must communicate, I prefer to have Godly conversations and those which edify the mindset. I prefer to discuss the spouse/significant other in an encouraging, uplifting manner, never saying anything negative and never entertaining negative talk about the courtship. As women, we have a naturally alluring presence and our love for God is easily present so if a woman loves God, any man will be able to see that in you. It is up to you to guard your conversation in the grace of the Lord. In order to properly humble ourselves in conversation, we have to speak in the love of God. Always basing the conversation on those things because all it takes is one wrong decision within one vulnerable moment to fall. We have to be on guard from fleshly, selfish, envious desires ourselves as well as the enemies devices that are thrown at us amidst our own vulnerability. Many women are not trusting of female relationships because of the very obvious way inappropriate conversation has been perceived time and time again in the experiences with women. We have not carried a high level of dignity in the way we love our sisters, in the way we respect the covenant that is shared. I have seen women completely disrespect the first lady in the pulpit to get to the Pastor with no regard for the role of a wife. All too often Pastors entertain women in a far too friendly manner but I believe this is heading into a different blog post so I will try and stay on track. Often times, women are left with titles that create and build guilt such as caty or insecure. An insecure woman is one who does not have confidence in God for who she is in life within any area, not just a relationship. It sounds rather harsh but it is what it is. When we believe God for anything, He is our strength - this includes believing Him for His thoughts regarding how we should see ourselves. A woman who is concerned about the presence of females in and around her spouse/significant other is called reason for concern IF the man has shown signs of being adulterous in any way. Keep in mind that this includes even looking at a woman in the presence of a courtship. Now I know that sounds a bit extreme but we have to know that a man who only has eyes for you is just that. We have to start calling a spade a spade and quit making excuses for men by saying things like, "well a man is going to look". That is just not necessarily the case. There are men who will respect you because you are worthy and because you belong to God. There are men who will honor you because you are noble and excellent. Being noble is in how we approach everything from our dress to our character. In everything from our need to feel loved and to feel as though we are enough, we must cling to God to have the need met so that He can appoint someone special for you, with whom to share seasons in your life. Allow yourself to be noble, to speak with excellence, to live with integrity and carry a standard of excellence that screams "I belong to God, treat me well". We have to be willing to see ourselves differently in order to be different. We have to be willing to step outside of the boxes position around our lives as a result of the challenges, hurts and insecurities we face. The only way to move past hurt is to cry out to God, repent to God, read God's word, talk to God, listen to God, take action in God and most importantly trust God. All of these initiatives are very simple to say, but they are about as easy to complete as pulling nails out of a cemented wall, even within the most submitted heart, this process is not a walk in the park. If you are attempting these tasks every now and then, it may be easy for you. If you are living a lifestyle as a sinful human being like the rest of us, you struggle with being perfect, you struggle getting every aspect of that easily read 'to do' list right. Keeping in mind that we never become perfect and that is why God sent the image of Himself in pure perfection to die for us. The beauty of serving God is knowing that Christ already paid the price, He knows your name, He has gone away to prepare a place for you and I, He can make your heart clean and fill your life with joy no man can offer. Anything that we want from God will require diligence, consistency and complete submission. Not based on our interest but God's interest as outlined for us in His word. We all have the capacity to be noble because it is written. I am excited about the journey you and I will take together toward more of God's noble character being embedded in us. Blessings to you and everyone around you....T... 'The Encourager' I used to think that my time with God needed to be planned. I used to think that I had to read the bible cover to cover in order to have an understanding of His desires for my life. In actuality, all I needed to do was listen and trust the peaceful, sound of His voice. I read His word just because, I want to know more about my Daddy - the man who gave life ..... life. The one who created me before the foundation of the world and knew me by name before I was knitted to my Mother's womb. He wakes me before the sun and simply speaks to my heart, 'let's talk'. It's the most beautiful thing ever......time with Him. We don't have to talk about anything specific.....sometimes I don't have to say a word - just resting my thoughts in Him is wonderful. Sometimes I just ask Him what He wants me to do and just sit and wait to hear what He says. Sometimes I wonder what His day was like....saving the world from itself and all. Then there are moments when I just have to tell Him whats on my mind....how to raise my boys a little better today, asking Him what to do for my Mom and how to be there for her because she needs me. How to love everyone, even those who look at me and refuse to see who God says I am. How do I know exactly how to be a role-model and a teacher....a business woman and a hard-working employee...to address my pride in not accepting the humanity in making mistakes....to allow God to heal the hurts of the past so that my future will not be stifled...to embrace those who persecute me without knowing me....to pray for those whose jealousy, envy and backbiting spirits are revealed like a display window's imperfections.....to repent for my sins, those with and without intent.....to follow as well as I lead...to be a courtship partner who values submittance and the proper place of prayer in a relationship...to dance for God and speak for God and whatever else He wants me to do. Sometimes it all comes out and He listens, He instructs, He guides, He leads, He fulfills, He comforts, He provides, He edifies, He elevates, He protects, He imparts, He restores, He transforms, He rebuilds, He reminds me of who I am in Him. Then I begin my day, asking Him what I should wear, what I should feed my children and which endeavor to tackle first in my lengthy list of things that must be done within the course of the day. Spending time with God is not planned.....it's not rehearsed.....it's not a charade - it's automatic. My hands are lifted in the freedom and beauty of who He is in my life..... spending time is a lifestyle. I look forward to the beauty of spending my life with Him. |
AuthorToseima J is the author of this blog. The type of person who looks forward to encouraging those around her. This blog is dedicated to the stories, experiences, and people who help make us all better, stronger, and wiser in all the ways God intended. SPEAK RESILIENCE is a blog that will certainly encourage, inspire, and uplift you; no matter how you pray, how you live, or who you choose to be in your life! Thank you for stopping by, sharing, and posting your comments. Knowing you are here, matters; you matter. Archives
April 2023
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