As soon as the bulletin reads, "With great sadness, we report the death of_______"; everyone realizes how they feel about the person in transition. There is always that shock and disbelief because you just wish you had the opportunity to say, something meaningful and positive. I have watched the transition happen enough times to just leave miserable, messy people with prayer and a loving smile. They spent time bad mouthing and resting in resentment. The truth is, nothing you try to give them will ever be enough; they will always find something to dislike. Sadly, some people will make something up if they can't find anything to dislike. They fall all over the casket knowing that they didn't have the right interactions. Some people will do anything to discredit the virtue of someone they despise, tipping them off as concerning and thoughtful. Living a reality of broken-heartedness and facades of non-existing joy. I prefer to smell roses, share them, and celebrate people while they are here, among the living and still breathing. I prefer to be both transparent and allow God to protect me in ways I cannot do for myself. Usually, people would rather not hear the opinions of others, they think they know, don't find you credible on the subject, or dislike the sound of your voice, all personal problems but, just saying. Then there's the silence soo thick from unspoken differences and awkward disapproval that no one knows how safe it is to just, be. When judgment is thicker than love, awkwardness is a special guest. The fact is, no matter what you do or how you do it, someone is going to disapprove of you, being you - who cares? Smile and be an ever better version of yourself for the haterazzi. The truth is, for a long time, I did care; soo much that I sought my own value, through the eyes of people who could really care less. So not only did I NOT see my value, I entrusted my value to people who didn't see my value - double wammy! It continues to be a meaningful journey, embracing all that is me. Recently, I made a public declaration for my friends who have genuinely been my friends over the years. When I grow through something in life, Im always reminded of those who cry, pray, and rejoice with me - they are rare breeds. As an Artist, there are parts of me that always will care, but let me explain the difference. The choreographer in me wants to constantly improve, the singer in me wants to elevate, the actor in me hopes to tell stories that matter, the writer in me hopes to paint visions that positively impacts lives, and so on. At the end of the day, I do it to give back the gifts I was somehow entrusted to carry. I feel the weight of success on my commitment to excellence. Still yes, I hope that someone, somewhere will think to themselves, "She did good". Lately there are constant reminders of the monumental event that invited me to stop giving hell, so much attention. The event that rocked my world and left me to stand on the only thing that never moves, the love of Jesus. So now I wait for His love to reward me, His word to edify me, His presence to congratulate me and His faithfulness to sustain me. I wonder for the rest in my soul, of the daily rendevous with fashion. Someone can tell me their opinion of me, although most will just tell each other; but when that happens, I can hear the differences and still live my life the way I am purposed to live. At the end of the day, I would ask God to show me who my real friends are and He shows me time and time again, ONLY someone knitted to Him, can be trusted with His most precious gifts. It is in those artistic, lonely, sad, hurt, depressive, joyous, inspiring, life-giving moments that the desire for feedback must rest in the bossom of the one who created me to be who I am, formed in my Mother's womb, with hairs all numbered and well thought out. In any area of life where the honor of friendship goes from constructive to back-biting and critical, the honor has been lost. Where are the Christ-like people who actually will love you THROUGH your mess? Where are the people who are emotionally mature enough to live their own life WHILE edifying you in yours? Isn't that why we are all here? Oh but maybe we prefer certain people to edify us over others? Where are the people who are genuinely good? Do they leave at the cusp of being needed most? Or do they leave when they believe your purpose has been fulfilled in their life? Sure, lots of people are 'willing' and there are tons of intrinsically great people in the world, but when the going gets tough, how many run for the hills? Thankfully, we can all find comfort in a Savior who will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, or whatever you believe helps you stand; live your life. One reality that shows up over and over in life is that, it's impossible to love someone in their flaws if you are unable to love yourself as a flawed human. Since we are all flawed human's, there will always be a shady look and a envious undertone, a nasty response and a rejected innuendo from peopke who aren't happy with themselves. Really and truly, some people will only be left to be loved by the one who created them, and since I believe that the one who created me is pretty amazing; that is alright with me! For every person on the struggle bus of meaningful relationships, it may be helpful to go back to genuine care, authentic consideration, and active love of yourself, as God sees you, not for vain glory. Then give loving others a try; with a fresh perspective and an open heart. Despite all the ways you disagree, what God has for you is for you and still, we are all equal humans in the eyes of the one who created us. I'd rather be out of the tornado that is forming, but choosing to love requires an automatic credit in the 'high road' column. Friend or Foe? Well it depends on how you look at it - for me, I would rather maintain friendships with people God sends, He authorizes, in every season, and whoever He sends, come hell or high water, is made to last. If it doesn't last, like it or not, somehow the connection with the creator is lost. That is a strong statement to make but thankfully, I would rather allow freedom of speech to really get a workout today. May you be surrounded by people who hear the echoes of your soul, tell you the truth with grace/or their version of it, fellowship with you in the good and the in the bads of life, and help you unpack the pain so that the best, most wonderful parts of you, may be revealed. Be well. Be Resilient. #SpeakRes
Toseima J is the author of this blog. The type of person who looks forward to encouraging those around her. This blog is dedicated to the stories, experiences, and people who help make us all better, stronger, and wiser in all the ways God intended. SPEAK RESILIENCE is a blog that will certainly encourage, inspire, and uplift you; no matter how you pray, how you live, or who you choose to be in your life! Thank you for stopping by, sharing, and posting your comments. Knowing you are here, matters; you matter.