The post title and one of my favorite quotes by Anne Lamott clearly depicts the nature of my collective thoughts to share with you today. "NO". Although in my career throughout the years, I have been charged with the immensely rewarding, yet heavy weight of telling people that small, simple, yet powerful 2 letter word. Usually, people would prefer to hear what they want or just ANYTHING but, "I'm sorry, the answer is No." It's always been challenging to be that person in a number of organizations over the years and I've been called everything from 'rude' to a completely different type of mammal because I was considered 'great' at enforcing rules created to govern facilities. Actually, people would like to have the order of systems and the discipline of seamless practices but not all of them are determined to see it through til the end. I have experienced the honor of that type of beautiful leadership only once in 25 years of working within this capacity and for the sensitivity of current events, I will refrain the name drop. What I will say is that my experiences with people avoiding responsibilities, declining calls, rushing to take on new ventures, pretending to be someone other than themselves, and waging their vengeance on people far removed from final decisions, all to avoid that word. Respectfully, it is not an easy word to hear but imagine how difficult it is to say, especially if everything in your soul wants to say yes. I have learned to have a tremendous amount of grace for people who enforce rules because I understand 1st hand the backlash associated with this line of work. The enforcer is NEVER the favorite. Depending on how close ones family is to the organization's 'No', it can be catastrophic. . .from clients who bully the staff to students who bully students of the staff. It's just extraordinary what people are willing to go through and the time people are willing to spend just to make your life miserable over one, simple, heavy, and in many cases unavoidable two letter word. Sure, there might be circumstances surrounding the answer but ultimately, people just want their cake while eating it too, on a bed of zero calories. What I have learned in a nutshell with all things considered: "Some will. Some won't. So what. Next." Either you actually see value in a company or you never did. You either see value in people or you never did. It takes a strong person to take hits for decisions out of their hands but enforceable by their hands. It's not something you can fake successfully; it just is what it is. I have learned to have 'No' celebrations because whatever Yes's of the world exist for me are the ONLY entities I need to give energy towards. Allow the No's of life to inspire you. . .compel you. . .expand your vision. . . push you harder for the 'right yes'. Don't be afraid to tell people No because at the end of the day, you are left with the responsibility of your answer. . .whether it's yes or no. It is selfish to be angered by a No you can't control. It is insensitive to believe that the No's in life are planned. . .because not all of them are; sometimes, a considerable amount of realization and tears contribute to that No. It is always someone else's problem if they are unable to accept the overwhelming responsibility of your response. For the record, No is the best route to yes because it makes the Yes's far more meaningful. My Grandma used to say that "a No was God's plan to help you appreciate the Yes". May you find joy in whatever the future holds. May you steer forward in the tragedy unveiling your own Yes, the one that is made for you, that you worked hard to receive, and most deserving in a long line of No's. May you challenge the right 'No's' with educated clarity and find guidance in reaching the answer you desire. For the benefit of all that is human, fine, and decent, may you find the courage to walk away from whatever is not meant for you with grace, humility, and love. #SpeakResilience #LiveYoLife #BeYoSelf #love #a
Toseima J is the author of this blog. The type of person who looks forward to encouraging those around her. This blog is dedicated to the stories, experiences, and people who help make us all better, stronger, and wiser in all the ways God intended. SPEAK RESILIENCE is a blog that will certainly encourage, inspire, and uplift you; no matter how you pray, how you live, or who you choose to be in your life! Thank you for stopping by, sharing, and posting your comments. Knowing you are here, matters; you matter.